Back in the Saddle

It's been over four-months since I wrote here. The busy-ness of life pulled me away for a while, but lately I've been itching to continue writing about my journey as a mom. Since I last wrote, we added another little boy to our brood. Gibson was born December 9th, 2010, exactly 10 days before Paxton turned 3-years-old. Now he is nearly seven-weeks-old and has fit into our family perfectly. I was certainly worried about how Paxton would accept sharing the spotlight with a sibling, but mostly he's been terrific. Occasionally he gets a little put out that I have to nurse Gibson instead of tending to his every whim and he vents his frustration by being 'extra-lovey' with his brother (read: crushing him). Chris reasons that since he has started working from home more since Gibson was born, Paxton actually gets more attention than he used to. He might have a point. And since Gibson doesn't do much more than eat, cry and sleep, it's not as if he's luring away the adults with his witty anecdotes and cool party tricks...yet. At school, about a week after Gibson was born, Miss Abbey asked Paxton what his baby brother did all day. In typical Paxton fashion, he bluntly answered, "He eats and he has a penis". Yep. That about says it all if you're a three-year-old boy.

I've had friends comment on how busy I am considering I just had a baby. I don't think they realize that the alternative is sitting around the house trying to entertain Paxton all day, knowing I'm failing miserably as a mother. The boy watches more television now than I ever would have anticipated. And he's broken out of his PBS gates. While once I could reason that at least he was watching somewhat educational programming--Sesame Street, Super Why, Curious George--now he has discovered Dora and Wonder Pets. On top of that, he's already become sort of sexist in that he doesn't want to watch an episode of Dora unless her cousin Diego is strongly featured in it. He watches the episodes over and over and over until he mouths the words along with them. It's become a babysitter and a sedative for my needy little boy.

I laid the groundwork for Paxton's highly-interactive personality. From the time he learned to talk, I always engaged him in conversation. I cannot bring myself to ignore him when he's telling me something. It irritates me to no end when other people tune him out when he's trying to communicate with them. Partially because of my love of talking with him, he has a great vocabulary and is great at holding conversations. So I admit that I made my bed here, and now I have to lie in it when I just want to roll out of bed in the early morning, check Facebook and come into focus in front of whatever Tivo has to suprise me with that day, and Paxton wants to teach me how to wear his stretchy snake like a necklace or asks me to pick my favorite color so he can select a Hot Wheels car to my liking. I thank God that he still has preschool two days a week, so I can be assured that he gets lots of positive attention and I get a little quiet time. And yes, I do feel a little guilty about that.

Being a mom is by far the toughest thing I've ever done. And it's not a cliche to say it's also the best. I light up when I see my boys. No one makes me laugh as much as Paxton. I live for smelling Gibson's baby hair at 3 a.m. when he's up for yet another feeding. I feel embarrassed that Paxton is three and still in diapers. I want to sink into the ground when he has a meltdown at Mima's when we're with friends enjoying Monday morning breakfast tacos. It's an adventure every day, and I'm definitely learning as I go. The best thing I can say is that my boys make me want to be a better person. They give me the motivation to be more patient, more compassionate, more organized, more whimsical. They have bettered my life in ways I never would have anticipated. All in all, motherhood is a pretty sweet gig.